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Nah, don't worry, I got it, I got it.
Huh.
David.
Hey.
Come on, come on in.
- Come on. - Okay.
Your mom's in the kitchen.
Oh, David.
Oh, David!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Hi, mom.
Oh, you look really good, you look really good.
I love this.
But wait a second, didn't your semester start?
No, I have a couple days.
Oh, great.
You must be starving, come on, here, sit down.
Let me make you something to eat.
Here, sit down.
I'm making eggs
Mom, it's two in the afternoon.
I know, but your father wanted eggs.
And you know I always make extra
in case James stops over to see me,
but I don't see those two anymore after those babies.
Oh, you want a sandwich, let me make you a sandwich.
- I got ham, I've got Swiss, - No, no, mom, eggs are good.
- Mom, mom, - turkey, you know,
- dad doesn't mind going- - mom, eggs are fine.
Okay.
It's gonna be good to have you home.
Even if it's just for a few days.
Come on in.
Here, come on, sit down.
Let me make a place for you.
It's been a long time since the three of us
sat here together and just talked.
Remember when you used to come home from school
and you and James would sit here
and tell us all about your classes?
What was that teacher's name?
Remember, he's a little odd.
He always wore those brown vests.
What was his name?
Mr. Peters.
It's Parnell, it was Mr. Parnell.
Oh, that's it.
That's it, I knew you would remember him.
Vest.
And all the basketball and soccer games.
Oh, driving.
Yeah, that was a really long time ago.
Well, I guess it was.
How's Erica, she didn't wanna come up with you?
I guess she's getting ready to go back to school.
We actually split up.
- What? - What?
Yeah.
I thought you two were getting along?
We did. We do.
I just think we need a little time alone.
Oh, that's good, that's okay, sometimes it's good
for you to get a little time away
- from everybody. - She's also seeing
somebody else, so it makes it...
When did that happen?
Dad, it's not a problem.
Wait a second, wait a second, I remember asking you,
- I actually- - He said it's nothing, Paul.
Let's just leave it alone.
I was down at the pub the other day
and I saw Doug Thompson and a couple of the guys,
they were asking about you, you know?
You should make an effort to go in and see them.
They're a good bunch of guys.
If I get a chance I'll go over to see 'em.
How are you feeling about your last semester?
We're really excited about your graduation in May.
That's actually something
I wanted to talk to you guys about.
I'm not gonna be graduating in May.
- I'm gonna take - What?
a little bit more time off.
What, more time off?
Yeah.
When did you decide this?
A few months ago.
It's really not a big deal.
It's not a big deal.
Dad.
More time off.
Well, look it, you know what happened the last time.
- Paul, don't. - No, it's fine, dad.
I know what you're thinking.
I just need a little bit of time
to figure out what I'm gonna do.
It's not a big deal and you're making a big deal out of it.
So please, stop.
We just want you to be happy, honey, you're our son.
We just want you happy.
Mom, I know that.
I just don't think I'm looking for happiness
the way you're talking about.
Well, what the hell are you looking for?
I'm trying to figure out what,
I'm trying to figure out why.
I'm gonna go for a walk
and I'm gonna be back in a bit, okay?
David?
Doug, man, how you doing?
Stand up.
Been a long time.
What are you doing back here?
Just in town for a couple days.
My dad says he sees you around, so I thought I'd come down
and try my luck.
I guess today's your lucky day then.
I guess it is.
You still smoking?
You know what?
No, no, I shouldn't 'cause I'm trying to be better man.
You remember Roxanne, hey, we're finally getting married.
That's amazing.
Hi. How you doing?
I'm about to pop.
But I'm good, I'm good.
How are you doing?
I'm good, I'm good, yeah.
Just, you know, being back, seeing everything again.
I bet you guys have a lot to talk about.
Yeah, we might grab a drink.
Yeah, I kinda had that feeling.
Not too late.
I wasn't.
How long are you planning on staying?
Maybe a week or two.
I woulda called you, but I just,
I really didn't know when I was gonna be coming down.
Yeah, right, don't bullshit me, Travers,
you wouldn't o' called
if you'd been planning the trip three years ago.
You want a drink?
We've got soda, or you can have a water.
Actually, I'll take a Jack and Coke.
That'd be nice.
Are you sure?
I just figured.
Doug, you can talk about it,
- it's okay. - No, no, no, no, no.
I mean, with everything that happened last year,
I didn't know.
Doug, I tried to off myself with a razor, it wasn't booze.
I'll be fine.
Just forget about it, okay?
That's what I'm trying to do, man.
Everywhere I go, though, people keep staring at me.
Do you think this is easy
for anybody to walk on eggshells around you?
It sucks.
It sucks for me,
but you sure as hell haven't made things easy on anybody
- in this whole town. - I didn't know
I was supposed to make it easy for you, man.
Didn't know that was my job.
'Cause life doesn't usually come with a manual, you know?
Whatever. You have a good one.
Okay, I'm sorry, I'm a dick.
I didn't mean to fuck anything up.
I just, I...
It's okay. It's all right.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, good.
I gotta go, I'll see you around?
Yeah.
Yes, I am.
Of course we take the matter seriously.
No.
Right.
No, we have some of our best guys working on it.
Our best guys.
Yes, look, I just want you to get it through your head,
very possible your vehicle
is not within the city limits anymore.
Right, that's exactly why we've, yes,
we've contacted the state police.
Of course they have a description of your vehicle.
Just trust us, okay.
Look, I need to run.
Yes, I will let you know if we know any,
as soon as we get more information, correct, right.
Okay, all right, I have.
Yes, thank you.
Shit!
It's like somebody has kidnapped his daughter
on the way to the junior prom.
This is a fucking car.
If he calls back, just tell him I'm out on a call,
or on a case somewhere, or that I'm just, dead, okay?
Cool, I move up a rung.
Yes. That's true.
Coffee, Sheriff?
Yeah, thanks.
Just throw the coffee on the desk.
I'll put the milk in, thank you.
You should really get your own coffee,
you lazy piece o' shit.
Oh, wow.
Look who it is, Little Davy, what?
Hi.
Wow.
Yeah, I never feel very comfortable in here
looking at you with a badge and a gun.
It's like I'm living some twisted nightmare
where my childhood tormentor grows up and becomes a man.
Come here. Give me a hug.
When'd you get into town?
Mom didn't tell me you were coming.
Huh?
Yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
And I don't deserve a visit first thing?
Well, I had to see mom and dad,
you know how that goes.
Okay, yeah, I do know how that is.
Well, hey, why don't you just come to dinner tonight?
We'll catch up.
Jane'll get some real food in you.
Unless you want eggs again at mom's.
Yeah, I've had enough eggs, to be honest.
Perfect.
Thank you. Leave the hat.
It's really good to see you.
See ya.
Like six o'clock, somewhere around there.
Okay.
Mr. McDowell.
David.
I just got in yesterday and I wanted to come by say hello.
You're looking very good, son.
Very good.
You know, I was just telling my wife
I thought I saw you over there yesterday.
We were hoping you'd come over and, here you are.
Unfortunately, she's out shopping right now, so,
she would like to see you too.
And not to mention Amanda.
Yeah, it was nice to see you, Mr. McDowell.
David, I'm serious, we'd still enjoy having you over.
Please, remember that.
I really appreciate that, Mr. McDowell.
Is this is the same car?
'69 'Vette. Yes, it is.
Wow.
Bobby and I used to really love sitting in this thing.
Well, thank you, Mr. McDowell, I'll see you soon, all right?
David, wait.
Mm, Jane, let me do the dishes, really.
Nonsense, you are a guest in this house.
And besides, I did all the cooking,
I am sure that your brother
will be more than happy
- to do all the cleaning. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Just leave everything on the counter
and I'll take care of it
Which means it's still gonna be sitting here
when I get back downstairs.
Probably true, yes.
Okay, I'm gonna go check on my babies
and you two can handle things.
Wonderful.
You know what?
Why don't you keep drinking
and maybe I'll get lucky tonight.
Not in front of the brother.
Oh, please, he's a grown man.
Thank you.
Amanda still hung up on you?
- Yes. - What? No.
Come on, she's had a crush on you since she was little.
Oh, can you make me a cuppa tea?
Yes, absolutely.
Love you.
I know.
Crazy talk, crazy lady.
I'm not wrong.
Seriously, you should talk to her though.
I mean, she trusts you, she might actually open up.
Why would she talk to me?
You know why.
Alright, so, since there are no free meals here
and I know that you don't have any money,
why don't you help me clear the table?
I have to clear the table?
Yes.
The food wasn't that good.
You're lucky she didn't hear you,
that woulda been your life on the line.
Get to it.
Plates, counter.
Okay, here you go.
So, I guess mom and dad were happy to see you.
Yeah, you could say that.
Yeah, well, that's good.
They could use a little bit of happiness
in their life right now.
That's not the only reason I came back.
All right, I'll bite, no, why?
I don't know.
Hey, I saw Mr. McDowell today.
Oh.
Did he come by and see you?
I went and saw him, he was just outside
working on the 'Vette.
Yeah.
Yeah, he does that just about every day.
Does it every day?
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
It was weird seeing him again.
Just, "Hello."
Do you remember that time
when Bobby and I were sitting in the front seat of the car
and Bobby knocked the gear shifter outta gear?
Oh, dad was so pissed.
Bobby knocks the gear shifter outta gear,
the car starts rolling down the hill and dad.
"God!"
Yeah, I know.
And dad and Mr. McDowell
come charging them opposite directions,
and they both jumped in the car
and they're slamming the gear shifter
- back into gear. - Enough!
I don't want to remember that.
All right?
That's over, I've moved past that, it's done.
Yeah, well, I don't think that it is.
It's not worth it.
Move on.
All right?
All right.
Well, the table's clear.
I gotta run.
What?
Told mom I wouldn't be home late, anyways.
Just give me a second, I'll drive you.
No, it's cool, just thank Jane for me.
All right, be safe.
Bye.
Fuck.
Roxanne,
- Roxanne, - What's up?
Can I have one more of these, and
two more of these?
David, you've had a whole lot.
Okay, let's do it like this,
just these two.
That's all my chips right there.
David, listen, you're in really bad shape
and I just think I should cut you off, I'm sorry.
"In bad shape."
Yeah, I know.
Well, you look wonderful.
Thank you.
You should start drinking, I may look better.
I can't drink.
- Yeah. - Can the baby drink?
Can I have one more of this and one more of this, please?
Sorry.
I was gonna
- say one of these. - I know, I know,
I know, listen, you've had a whole lot
and I want you to get home safe.
So, I think I have to cut you off.
Okay.
Okay?
- All right. - Okay.
One more beer, please.
- This is good. - Is this good?
Looking like a good night tonight.
You guys wanna stay at the bar or get a table?
I think we're good here, right?
- Yeah. - Okay.
You wanna grab a drink from her? And...
All right, get me a shot, I'll be right back.
Mm-hmm.
Drinking alone.
That's a little sad.
Hi.
Hey, Amanda.
Don't you have any friends around
that'll come get trashed with you?
Come on, there's gotta be somebody.
No.
I guess friends are overrated.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't know, I always think it's better with friends.
Besides, when you drink alone people start to talk.
Though, I'm sure you already know what that feels like.
Isn't that Bobby's ring?
You still wear it?
I still wear it sometimes.
Yeah, probably all the time, hmm?
Wow.
That's really good, Amanda, that's really good.
Should you be in here?
What, you're like 15, 16 aren't ya?
Try 18.
Well, in two weeks.
You know the rest of the world didn't stop
just because you had a nervous breakdown.
I might need a fake ID to buy beer,
but all of the other things, I can do just fine.
So?
Okay, great, thank you so much for that very visual
and constructive advice.
I'm just saying.
Call me tomorrow before you guys leave,
maybe I'll come with you.
Sure thing, see ya.
All right, bye.
Hey, I know you're 18 and all in a couple o' weeks,
but is it safe to be walking home alone?
I don't know, that depends.
Aren't you a little old to be stumbling home
from the bar at three in the morning?
Well, I would've driven, but in my intoxicated state
I may have run head first into a tree.
Isn't that the idea?
What?
Dying, wasn't that like your thing for awhile?
That's very sensitive of you.
I just figured
that since you tried it once, you might, you know,
be up for it again.
Is that something that sticks with you
or can you just turn it on and off?
No, you can't just turn it on and off Amanda.
So,
did ya?
What?
Wanna kill yourself?
Yes.
It's not really about dying though.
It's more about,
I don't know, nothing.
I'm just wondering because I thought about it sometimes.
That's not funny.
Don't worry, Travers,
I don't think I really wanna die anymore than you do.
Maybe I'll just lay in bed,
down a few pills.
Oh.
Yeah?
Not enough to really do me in.
Just enough to knock me out.
Yeah, I bet my mom would love that too.
Two men in uniforms pumping my stomach out onto the floor.
So what you're saying is you wanna hurt her?
I don't know.
Did you want to hurt someone?
No, I think it was more something
that I thought I deserved.
You know it all kinda seems like a cop out now?
I'll see you around, Travers.
Hey Amanda.
♪ They call the wind Amanda ♪
Dad!
Don't you think it's about time to get up?
Come on into the kitchen, we've got some breakfast for you.
Okay, I'll be right there.
Good morning.
Good morning, mother.
Your father made you eggs and bacon.
Well, dad lives on hope, but I'm really not hungry.
Well, eat some anyway, we went through all the trouble.
It's a sin to waste.
It sounded like you had a late night
were you at the studio?
No, dad, not in a long while.
Just asking.
What time did you get in, honey,
I think it was like 3:30?
Okay.
And it's the third late night this week, honey.
Who were you with, Becky and Kelly?
Mm-hmm.
Were you at the bowling alley?
Considering that's the only place in town
I can get to without a car,
yeah, that's a pretty good guess.
Well, aside from the studio-
- Dad, I-
- Amanda, don't talk back to your father.
Pat, it's okay.
No, it's not, I don't want her talking to us that way.
Well, then I just won't speak to you at all.
Amanda, you know there's a good reason
why you're not allowed to use the car.
Yeah, because you guys want to ruin my life.
Oh, would you please grow up?
Pat.
You know, I don't know who the hell you think you are
having the nerve to bring that filth into our car,
and then expecting us to let you get away with it?
Honestly, you're lucky your father didn't listen to me
or it wouldn't be just the car you're missing.
I already told you guys it wasn't mine.
I don't know why you won't believe me.
'Cause you're a liar.
Honestly, you think I don't know
you're at the bar getting drunk
and doing whatever the hell else it is you do.
Pat, this is not the way.
Yeah, and if you're not liar, then you're still an idiot
for letting those kinda of people into our car.
Believe me, it won't happen again.
I'm not a child, I can choose my own friends, thank you.
Yeah, then maybe you can just start paying rent?
Or better yet, you can find a place of your own.
Fine. I will.
Amanda, stop it.
The deal was college or a job.
Stop it, stop it.
Amanda, please, come back here,
your mother didn't mean that.
Do me a favor, George,
don't ever fucking tell me what I mean and what I don't.
I'm just trying to keep the peace here.
And this fighting isn't solving anything,
and I wish you would understand that.
I don't care.
I am sick of the way that ingrate is playing this family.
Pat, please.
All right.
So, is it weird to be back?
I mean, this place hasn't changed.
Yeah, it hasn't, Mike, at all, Jesus.
Watch this.
Dude.
Violet.
Yeah.
Look who I just dug up.
David Travers.
Wow, you do look like you were just dug up, yeah.
Thank you.
Uh-huh, you're welcome.
You look wonderful.
As usual.
Thank you.
How you doing?
I'm good, I'm good, yeah.
Exhausted from working double shifts, but,
it's worth it, I hope.
- Why are you doing doubles? - Oh, yeah, tell us why.
I went back to school for my second master's,
MBA this time.
Wow.
- Wow, back to school. - That's great.
- That's really great. - Thank you. Yes.
Everybody's doing it, see?
You are such an asshole.
He's an asshole.
He is.
Yeah. Thank you.
Sometimes.
Vi, can I just get the BLT please?
Yes, sure, do you want fries?
Yeah.
Got it, and for you, Sheriff?
I'm just gonna have that ham special.
- Do you still have that? - Sure, mm-hmm,
and, you want fries?
Why not.
You got it.
- Thank you, Violet. - Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, what's been going on,
what have you been doing, seeing old friends?
I saw Doug.
Doug?
Thomas.
Oh, right.
- Saw him, - Wow.
some of the guys down at Brandywine.
Of course, Brandywine.
Yeah, saw Amanda.
Bing, I knew that was coming.
We just bumped into each other.
Oh, you just bumped into her, really?
And,
Mr. McDowell,
have you seen him again?
No.
I really do wanna go over there and just see him,
and check on him, make sure everything's all right.
What's gotten into you?
Did we not just have this conversation?
James, I just, I-
- No, we both agreed that that was a bad idea.
I can't forget about it like it never happened.
Nobody's asking you to forget about it.
You just need to learn to live with it.
Okay, well maybe you could just give me
a little bit o' time.
Time?
How much time do you need?
What? It's been eight years.
I think that's been enough time.
James, my best friend died because of me.
So please tell me, what's the guilt, grief, anger half-life
that satisfies you?
Okay.
Grief,
anger,
guilt, man,
you need to learn how to process that on your own.
It's not about processing my guilt.
Okay, great, then you tell me, what's it about?
It's about, why am I here, James?
What am I worth?
Every single person is trying to leave something behind.
Like what?
A mark!
A fucking moment that I can look to
and say that I mattered,
and not just to me, but maybe to somebody else.
It doesn't have to be about me.
Okay, you know what?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, I don't understand, no.
Does that not make sense to you?
No, it doesn't.
You don't understand
- what I'm talking about? - No, please, enlighten me.
Make me understand.
Here, boys.
Everything good?
Yes.
Yeah, you sure?
Anything I can do.
I just don't want to leave a mess again.
You don't wanna leave a mess?
I don't know if you remember this,
but I went through a lotta shit to protect you
and make sure that you were safe.
I never asked you to do anything.
You didn't have to, you're my brother.
I mean, you had plans.
College.
College! Oh my God, wow, James, really?
What good has that done for me?
I'm on the 50 year track, I can't even finish a semester.
Okay, whatever, I don't care what you do.
I'm not going back, James.
Fine, that's fine, don't go to school.
The point is, whatever you do in your life,
I didn't want it to be screwed up by,
just because of an accident.
What? That's it?
Yeah, take off, see ya.
Hello. Oh, hi, Jimmy.
You see, it's been so bloody long nothing fits it.
No, I haven't seen him, I thought he was with you.
All right, look, see if you can find him.
Make sure he's okay.
All right.
What's up?
David walked out on Jimmy at lunch.
He hasn't seen him since.
He's probably hanging out with other guys, I'm sure-
- No, no, I don't like it.
He said there was definitely something wrong with him.
Look, I don't think we should go out tonight.
Oh, Maggie, come on.
I made reservations.
What if he should come home and we're not here?
Well, I'm guessing you would probably take his key
and he'll open up the front door.
Don't make fun of me, Paul, not tonight.
I'm not, I'm not.
Look, honey, you can't get all worked up
every time he staggers in here drunk or he sleeps in.
I don't care about every time.
I care about that one time.
Oh God, darling, don't you do that.
Don't you goddamn go there.
Yeah, well, I'm his mother!
I raised him and it's my job to protect him.
Yeah, well, I was there.
I was standing right beside you!
And there's nothing nobody, not you, not me,
nobody coulda seen that coming.
It wasn't supposed to happen.
He didn't deserve it.
Those young eyes were never meant to see
something like that.
He's a man now.
He's got to go his own way.
Our job is just to love him.
So that's it?
I'm supposed to just let him go?
Well, that's not good enough.
That is not nearly good enough.
Oh, honey.
I don't know, I don't know if you've noticed lately,
but you and I, we ain't doing so good.
We're not doing so good.
I mean, look, I gotta take some of the blame for this, but,
do you think we could put a little of this energy
back into you and me, back into us, hmm?
No.
I'm just not ready to go out there.
What's "Vicin?"
Viking.
Vicin, it's an obstacle course.
They put it up two summers ago.
Can you imagine Bobby
trying to run through one of those things?
Well, shit, his little sister's won it twice so far.
What? Amanda won what?
They have a race, it kicks off the place for the summer.
Little Amanda's won it every time.
No shit.
Where'd you get this?
Old Pat, down at the station.
What?
Yeah.
That guy's still selling shit?
Oh yeah.
I haven't seen him
since we were in grammar school.
Yeah, no, that was back when you, me, and Bobby
used to split a bag just to get through
Monday morning homeroom.
You remember that?
You remember the time when Mr. Lee caught us smoking
behind the gym in the alleyway?
Yes.
He came running down because he smelled it
from the second story balcony.
Yeah, no, no, but Bobby saw him coming just in time,
so you and I like ditched under the lunch truck.
All Bobby just major league pitched the weed into the sewer.
That guy was so pissed.
He couldn't do shit without the evidence.
He got right up in Bobby's face too.
He did.
"One more time, Mr. McDowell, one more time, I dare ya."
Hello?
Yeah, it's me.
No, I thought I was meeting you guys over there?
Yeah, okay, whatever.
Yeah, okay, just come pick me up all right?
Yeah, I'll be waiting outside, okay.
No, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
We used to come here every single day during the summer
and we'd skip stones across the lake.
We always said that one day one of us was gonna get a stone
all the way to the other side.
What?
What are you talking about?
This is good, I have no idea what you're talking about.
I'm stupid, apparently.
Madonna, 1985.
That brown paper bag.
I fucking knew it, I knew it, you do remember.
You totally remember.
I do.
"What do you think they feel like?"
I didn't say that.
Did I say that?
You totally said that.
I think that I did.
Yeah.
You're right.
I mean, those were some cool times.
Happy times.
Better times.
Yeah. Just simpler times.
You know, before everything got so complicated.
Before what got complicated, David?
You never had to do any of it alone.
What were my choices, Doug?
Talking.
What's talking going to do, it's not gonna bring him back.
No, but it mighta saved you
from drowning in your own guilt.
Fuck off.
What the hell were you thinking
when you tried to off yourself like that?
And we have always been here for you, me, your brother,
everybody else, but you never returned a phone call.
Never reached out.
Why?
You don't know how it felt.
Nobody knows how it felt.
So stop trying to play the role of some savior.
Get off your horse, Jesus.
You know what, Travers,
who the hell do you think you are?
You think, what?
You're the only one who's allowed to feel bad
about Bobby's death?
Think you're the only one who's allowed to feel guilt?
The three of us were best friends, right?
We were a team.
So where the hell was I?
If I hadn't left early, before it happened,
if I had just stayed
maybe things coulda turned out different.
You know, maybe I coulda done something, but I wasn't there.
So I just get to wonder every single day
how things coulda been different.
And I get to just try and accept
that it was a freak accident
outta my control that took Bobby away from me,
and then took you away.
So you wanna know what kinda guilt I have, David?
It's the kinda guilt that nobody in the world
can take away from me,
not even you.
I can't tell you what you wanna hear, man.
I can imagine,
I can imagine that it's unthinkable trying
- to remember- - No, no,
that's not what it is, that's not what it is.
I can't tell you because I don't remember.
I remember it was 20 minutes after you left,
Bobby ran across the field and he put a soda can
into the fold of that old tree,
the one right across from the cabin.
I missed with my first two shots.
I remember instinctively, I chambered a third shot,
and then,
I don't know what I did.
I told Bobby to go for it, take his shots.
I remember I went over to the cooler, and then
I heard something scraping against the rotted wood.
I didn't see what happened next.
And then I looked out and I saw the bottoms of his sneakers
and I looked past them and his body was slumped over, then,
there was blood pouring onto the front of his jacket
and I could tell he wasn't moving,
and he wasn't breathing, but I knew James is working
so I ran to Route 10 to the phone booth
and I called him and I told him to send an ambulance out,
but, by the time they got there he was dead.
Davy, look at me.
There was nothing you coulda done.
It wasn't your fault.
You know what the sickest thing about all of it is?
I can't remember his face.
I go over it again and again in my head,
and I can't remember what his face looked like.
That's everything I know, man.
That's everything I remember.
But I don't think it's true.
I don't think it's right.
David,
David.
David!
What are you doing?
Nothing. I was just...
Didn't you hear us calling?
No.
You know I don't like you coming in here
and going through Bobby's things.
Don't let it happen again.
Paul.
What's the matter?
What's up?
When was the last time I told you I love you?
Oh, what kinda question is that?
You say it all the time.
No, no, I mean, when I really said, I love you.
Huh?
It's an important thing, and I can't remember.
It was on my 42nd birthday.
We were going out for dinner.
The boys was staying at the McDowell's house.
We had the whole night to ourself.
You made reservations at the Friar Club.
I was wearing that purple dress with the blue flowers.
You were wearing your blue blazer.
You used to say my eyes sparkled in that dress.
We were just getting ready to leave
and you walked over to me.
You put your hand on my cheek.
You used to do that all the time.
And I remember thinking
that was the sweetest touch I ever felt.
I love you with all my heart.
I love you too.
You mind?
I got it.
Carrying that's not gonna distract you from your gazing?
Not gazing, observing,
admiring.
Both kinda mean gazing.
So you could say peering, peeping, gawking works too.
Wow, okay.
Ogling is a good one.
I think I'm gonna go with admiring.
Praise, very, very talented.
Amanda, that was amazing.
It was nothing.
Nothing at all.
You're good.
You're like, really good.
I'm not good enough.
Says who?
Says me.
And if I'm not good enough to get where I wanna go,
then, what's even the point of trying?
Well, it's the trying and failing of things
that occasionally define who we are.
That's a little bit o' bullshit.
A little bit o' truth.
And a little bit of pompous rhetoric coming from someone
who can't even finish college.
Is it true that your IQ is like near genius level?
No.
Where did you hear that?
Around.
My dad, I think.
Come on, how many science fairs did you win in high school?
Well,
all of them,
I think.
You think.
Plus the instate ones four years in a row.
Your dad talks about me?
He talks about
you and Bobby,
and the past.
Does he blame me?
David, nobody blames you,
except you.
Amanda, you don't know what I've-
- I don't know what? Just tell me.
David,
come here.
Why would a man at near 1:00 a.m.
get dressed, go to a diner,
sit down, order coffee, and make small talk with strangers?
Is this some sort of riddle?
I don't know, no coffee at home.
Plenty.
Then he must love that coffee.
He never touches it.
I don't know.
Loneliness, a diminished life.
My dad is well on his way to becoming that.
Not Violet.
What?
Look at her, she's working,
she's going back to school, she's got more guts than I do.
Don't be fooled, that's just empty hope.
Why do you dance if you don't think you're good enough?
Because I'm trying to move forward.
But I can't, because I know-
- Uh-uh, because you think.
No, I know I'm not good enough.
I'm stuck here and I'm going nowhere fast.
Amanda, you're just afraid to move forward.
You're telling this to me or yourself?
Look, I gotta go.
I'll see you later, tomorrow, maybe.
Yeah.
Tomorrow.
Oh!
Caught me by surprise again.
Didn't mean to frighten ya.
No, no, it's okay, I was...
What can I do for you David?
I just wanted to take you up on that offer to chat.
Oh yeah?
Well yeah, yeah, I mean, okay, great, now?
If you're not busy, I mean, I can come back another time.
No, no, no, I'm just cutting wood for the fireplace.
You know, Mr. McDowell, it's September?
I mean, I know it's a brisk 72, but.
David, the last thing I want to be doing up here
in the middle of December is cutting wood.
I remember.
So, I take great care to stock up for the winter.
Which are getting colder and colder as you know.
Or, I am getting grumpier and grumpier.
I don't know, but listen, there's a lot more in the back.
Could you go back there?
There's gloves there.
It's back by the shed.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Oh, here, here, come on over to the sink, wash up.
Can I get you anything, a drink?
No, I'm okay.
Oh, come on, we'll have a beer or two, come on.
I'd like to think you came over for the fine company, but,
something tells me that's not it.
So what's on your mind, son?
I just wanted to talk.
Talk?
Yeah.
Sure, about what?
It's about Bobby.
And what about Bobby?
He didn't deserve to die.
Oh, David.
You musta had a lotta hopes and dreams for him,
for what he'd become.
Of course I was proud of him.
He was a good, very smart young man.
Just like you are.
No, just like you are, David.
I always thought that's why you two were such close friends.
Well, I'd like to think so.
Mr. McDowell,
after everything that's happened since then,
I just, I never had a chance to talk to you,
just to tell you how sorry I am.
David,
we all know it was an accident.
And I never expected any more of an explanation from you,
and I still don't.
I know, but, I think that I need to.
Okay.
Tell me.
Wow, I really thought about doing this for so long
and now that I'm here I don't know where to start.
Start with your feelings, they never lie.
I can't get these stupid memories out of my head.
For some reason I have these images,
they just stick with me,
I don't really know exactly where they come from,
but I've wondered,
I just wonder why I can remember silly things like
fist fights and running home from school with a bloody nose,
but I can't even remember the face of my friend
on the day that he died in front of me.
Wait a minute, wait what was that you said,
you said you remember?
Oh, my nose bleed?
Yeah.
I have this memory of running home from school
after I got in a fight with Anthony Eocono.
I was like in the second grade I think,
and I must have done something silly
like run upstairs and hide in my room, but...
I'm sorry for what you saw that day.
What?
Mr. McDowell, I'm talking about...
I saw you,
and I know you saw me.
Mr. McDowell, I'm not...
What?
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, fuck.
How did I forget?
And it feels like I've always known.
You looked at me.
You looked right at me.
I am so sorry, David.
You never said anything to me, why?
No, I couldn't.
I wasn't quite sure what you knew 'til today.
And, I mean, even if I was sure,
what was I gonna say to you?
I mean, you were a little boy.
So, as time went by I hoped, I prayed
that it woulda been something you would have forgotten.
Does my mom know?
No, she never knew you were there.
And I wasn't going to tell her because if she knew
that you had knew, she thought
Don't.
you may have seen, now hold on, hold on,
David, listen to me.
I'm not proud of what happened, okay,
but I swear to you,
- it was the only time - Mr. McDowell.
that we were ever,
You gotta stop.
and listen, it was a horrible mistake,
but your mother is a fine woman.
And I like to think I'm a decent person,
- but I'm telling you. - I know, Jesus,
Mr. McDowell, can you please just stop?
It was a moment of weakness that we have both,
- both regretted - You need to stop.
every day since.
Mr. McDowell, please stop apologizing to me.
I mean, Jesus Christ, man.
You know, I came here to open up to you.
I am so, so sorry, David
My dad.
How could you do something like that to him?
Look,
I'm not proud of what I've done, God knows.
I really feel like I need to tell him.
I really think it's his right to know something like that.
You have to do what you think you must,
and I respect that.
But before you do anything, don't do what I did.
Think about the consequences of your actions.
He deserves to know.
Is it worth ruining something,
anything, over what happened?
Is it not ruined already?
Tell me right now, how can I ever look at my mother
the same way again?
George, could you come outside?
Listen to me, David, my marriage ended a long time ago.
Do you really wanna ruin something
that your parents still have together?
George, your car is still in my spot again,
so would you please get up?
David.
What brings you here?
Hi, Mrs. McDowell, I,
I was just helping Mr. McDowell
put some firewood in the den.
Well, please tell your parents I said hello.
I feel like it's been so long since we last saw them.
Yes, ma'am.
Morning, what are you doing up this early?
Just saying hi to your dad, actually.
Really, he have any enlightening conversation for you?
Hmm. Yeah.
Hey, do you wanna get a drink?
I need a drink.
Well, I've been out all night and I never called,
- so, yeah, sure. - Okay, come on.
Maybe some coffee though?
Not to belabor the point, I just,
I really think you need to pursue dancing.
You need to bolt outta here as fast as you can, okay?
Life does not give you second chances, Amanda.
Yeah, okay, I'll do that right now.
Fine.
So why'd you really come back here?
I don't know.
It wasn't for second chances?
No, I think that I really wanted to see this place
one last time.
Yeah?
And is it everything that you remembered?
Sadly, yes.
Yes, it is.
Have you been to the cemetery?
No, no but I really want to go,
- at least before I go back. - Oh, that's fine.
Just be honest with me.
Was it hard?
That's terrible question, I know it was hard.
Okay, look, David, we already played the guilt card.
That's not what I'm saying.
I have gone over every single moment
that's led up to Bobby's death so many times,
and not once have I
thought about what that loss did to everybody else,
did to you.
Well, he was my older brother.
I don't really know what else there is to say besides that,
- but, - Just say something.
What do you want me to say, David?
I don't know.
You want me to cry?
Do you want me to tell you how much it hurt?
Because, sorry, but it did.
You know, I look at my mom sometimes,
I mean, she's just got so much anger in her eyes now.
And when she looks at me, she's filled with it.
Sometimes when it's not that bad I think that
maybe it's not me.
Maybe she just plain forgot how to care.
Like something broken inside her.
I see her that way with my dad sometimes.
And I know that it sounds awful,
but that is the only time that I don't feel so bad about it.
But then there are other times when she looks at me
and that hatred, that's all that I feel.
And that's when I know that it's for me and me alone.
And that's when I think about getting away.
What about your dad?
We don't talk.
At least not about anything real.
But I know that he wants to love me.
I just get the feeling that he got lost somewhere.
And anytime he tries it's like my mom sees what he's doing
and she just finds a whole new reason
to fucking rip into him.
Sometimes I feel like he's the only thing
that's keeping me around this shit hole.
Like, when I'm ready to just tell her to drop dead
and run out that door, I always think about him.
'Cause I think if I left him there alone with her,
he would just,
he's already been through too much with Bobby, I couldn't...
I didn't mean to-
- Amanda, why are we so careful with the words
that we use to describe what happened?
Don't have to be sorry.
I need to tell you something.
I was holding the gun.
I was holding the gun the day that Bobby died.
What do you mean?
It didn't fall.
I was holding it and it fired accidentally.
That's not even possible, why would you say that?
Because I think that it's true.
You think it's the truth, but you don't know?
Amanda, Amanda,
I was so scared.
I really didn't know what to do.
I called my brother and I told him what happened,
and when he got there he said it looked really bad.
I swear to God, Amanda, I didn't ask him to change anything.
Okay, I promise, but, I was scared, and I was confused,
and I didn't try to stop him either.
Amanda, just wait a second,
- Amanda, just wait - I have to get outta here.
a second, please.
No, David.
Amanda, I mean, I just-
- Don't touch me.
Don't follow me, David.
Absolute comedy.
Oh hey, your mother was looking for you.
She wanted to know if you're gonna be around for dinner.
What's up?
Dad, if something happened to you a long time ago
that you didn't know happened
would you wanna know about it?
Well, that depends, is it good or bad?
It's bad.
I mean, maybe it's good, I don't know.
I don't know, to be honest.
If I could do something about it and change things,
yeah, I'd wanna know about it.
But, if I couldn't change anything, no, I don't know,
I don't think so.
Look, dad.
What's going on?
I found something out today that, I just,
I think you need to know about.
About me?
It's about Mr. McDowell.
George, something happen between you and George, hmm?
It's not about me and George,
it's between Mr. McDowell and...
It's between Mr. McDowell and.
It's between George and-
- Oh, whoa.
You gotta stop, you gotta stop right there.
Wait a second, do you know?
You have no idea what you're talking about.
Dad, do you know?
You gotta stop, you stop right now.
Dad, you can't ignore this.
I'm not ignoring this.
Look,
sometimes people do things they don't mean to do.
I mean, Lord knows I've stuck my foot in it many times.
But when push comes to shove your mother and me,
we're good people, we're loving people.
I love her, she loves me.
You are protecting her, why?
I'm not protecting her.
You are!
If I want forgiveness, I have to be forgiving.
And when it comes down to it son, it's between her and me,
it's always been between her and me.
Quite frankly, you've got nothing to do with it.
I'm a part of the family.
It's never had anything to do with you.
It has everything to do with me.
She's my mother!
And she lied to me.
And she loves you, she loves you with all her heart.
If your mother found out about this,
that you knew about this,
it would shatter her.
Now you gotta promise me that you will never let her know
that you know about this.
You hear me?
Son, do you hear me, you hear what I said?
Oh, there you are, I was looking for you.
I just went for a little walk
to help Mr. McDowell put some firewood in this house.
Oh, you saw George?
Yeah.
What'd he have to say?
Nothing much.
Just talking about old times.
You and Bobby?
Yeah, me and Bobby.
Well, dinner's at six, if you care to join us.
Yeah, I'll see you.
You know what?
Mom, I'm gonna stay for dinner, I'll be here.
Good.
Hey, hey, can I give you a hand?
Amanda?
Did you talk to your brother today?
No.
He called yesterday too.
You didn't think to call him back?
I guess I forgot.
Fuck.
He sounded like he really needed to talk to you.
Is everything okay between you two?
David?
Are you listening to me?
David.
David!
Paul, what's wrong with him?
Amanda? Are you okay?
I'm fine, Dad. Just leave me alone.
I just want to-
- Please, dad.
Amanda, I wanna talk to you,
and I don't care what you say, I'm coming in.
What do you want, dad?
I wanna talk to you.
Well, I really don't wanna talk right now.
Do you ever?
Are you okay?
Life's a blast.
Thanks for asking.
Look,
I'm not trying to give you a hard time.
The way you ran in just now,
thought something might be troubling you.
Anything you wanna tell me?
Anything at all?
No.
Bobby?
Where were you?
I was with David.
What did he want, what did he have to say?
Isn't it funny how you can go your entire life
thinking that things were supposed to happen a certain way,
and then you find out something that you never knew
that changes everything?
But all that really means is that nothing
was the way you saw it in the first place.
What did David tell you?
Because he did not need to-
- Dad, where was I when Bobby died?
I guess you were here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, now that I think of it, yeah.
You were here at the house with your mother and me, why?
And did the cops come to the house?
Or did they just call it to tell you?
Well, you were here.
Don't you remember?
No, dad, I don't remember.
So which was it?
Jimmy Travers called the house.
He said he heard her call for an ambulance
come over there, police radio
he recognized the address
so he went up there and he found Bobby.
David, you have to stop walking away like that on us.
What? I'm sorry, I have to go.
No, just stop leaving!
Mom...
David, your mother misses you, we both do.
I know, I know, I do, I get it.
And when did you start drinking so much again?
Mom, please, stop.
No! No more lies.
Lies.
Do you wanna talk about fucking lies,
- mother? - David!
What did I do to make you treat me like this?
I'm sorry.
Dad, I'm sorry, mom, I'm really sorry.
I don't belong here, I've gotta go.
No, stay.
Mom, I don't belong here.
You do belong here, this is your home.
I don't know where I belong, this isn't it.
I'm lost
- and I don't know - No!
- No, no, no, you're not lost, - where to go.
you have so much to give.
Mom, you gotta stop, this isn't about you!
David, we love you, but you being home like this,
maybe it's best you leave.
And lookit, you get down the road a little ways
and you figure out which way you wanna go,
you come on back home,
we'll be here for you.
We'll always be here for you.
I really tried everything to fix this and I can't.
Maybe stop trying so hard.
Amanda, what's this all about?
You know we never talked about it.
Not once.
Your mother,
she says she doesn't wanna live in the past.
Live in the past?
All she does live in the past.
She's been trapped there since Bobby died.
Did you know that I can still remember
the look on her face when Bobby died?
I can remember her yelling at me
in front of everyone at the funeral
because I didn't want to put a rose on the coffin.
I remember thinking that that was the stupidest thing,
but she got so mad.
I was just scared, that's all.
I didn't want that to be my last memory of him.
But she got so mad at me.
It was like she hated me.
No, no, Amanda, how can you think that?
Because it's true.
No, no, come on, no.
Your mother doesn't hate you.
Then tell me why I found my ring
hidden away in her jewelry box?
Ring, what ring?
Bobby's ring!
Don't you remember?
His grammar school ring, the one he gave to me
when he got into high school,
the one I've been wearing around my neck
literally every day since he died.
I'm sure it was some mistake.
Maybe she found it cleaning up and she mistook it?
God, no, dad, she didn't mis take it for anything.
She took it because she doesn't want me wearing it.
Why can't you see that?
She stole the ring that Bobby gave to me.
Honey, I didn't know you were home.
Obviously, otherwise I don't think
you'd be talking about me this way.
No, no, now listen, it's no big deal, it's just a mix-up,
Amanda misplaced-
- No, I didn't misplace anything.
It was stolen and it's still sitting right where you put it.
Listen, I'm sure
your mother had a good intention.
Enough, George!
I did take the ring, is that what you wanna hear?
He gave it to me, not you, he gave it to me!
You didn't deserve that ring, you never did!
If Bobby could see the way you grew up.
The way you hold yourself!
He'd be disgusted
- by the sight of you. - Pat!
Fuck you!
- Stop it, stop it. - You're a liar.
- Stop it, both of you. - A troubled liar,
and what's more, you're a loser.
Anything you set your mind to, you could've done,
be a great dancer, or a gymnast, but no,
you sit in this godforsaken town and you waste away
and I can't even stand to look at you anymore.
Well then, I'll just make it easy for you.
I won't be around anymore
for you to be continually disappointed.
No, no, no, wait.
Goodbye mother.
No, no, wait, Amanda, wait!
Amanda,
wait!
Amanda?
Amanda!
Get away from me, you perv.
Calm down, what happened?
You lied, you all lie.
Shit.
You lied about everything.
Christ, okay, Amanda.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, stop, stop, stop.
Get away from me, I swear to God,
I'll fucking launch myself off this thing.
Just stop.
Amanda, Amanda, stop!
Just climb down.
No.
I like it up here.
It's peaceful.
Well, you're a bigger man than me
because just looking at you's making me dizzy.
Big pussy.
What, was this your big plan?
You're gonna climb up there and jump off?
No.
You know, if you jump you probably not even gonna die.
You're just gonna hurt yourself.
No, a warm bed, pills, sleep, and then gone.
No more pain, no one'll miss me.
That's your only reason for living,
so nobody's gonna miss you?
No.
Well good because I'd tell you to jump.
That's a joke.
That's a joke, stop, Amanda.
Tell me what happened.
I told you.
I wanna know everything.
Now, just tell me!
Okay, we were screwing around with the guns.
Bobby was standing a few feet to the right of me
and we always knew how to take care of each other,
we always did, we knew what we were doing, but,
he must a dropped something because he bent down,
I think he bent down in front of me.
I was onto my last round
and I wanted to pick off the last can, and,
I couldn't see what he was doing, I had my eye closed.
I was looking down the scope
and I had the cross hairs right on the bottom of the can
because that's where he said it was always easiest to aim.
My finger was on the trigger
and I started to gently pull back and then,
my scope blacked out.
I didn't know what it was,
and by the time I realized what it might've been
I had pulled on the trigger.
I dropped the gun
and I saw him lying on the ground in front of me, that's it.
That's it, I swear.
Do you think he knew?
What?
That he was gonna die?
Amanda, no, if I didn't have time to realize
then how, if...
What, if you didn't have enough time to what?
I just wonder why I can remember fistfights and
What, David?
running home from school with a bloody nose,
but I can't remember the face of my best friend
on the day that he died in front of me.
How did I forget?
And it feels like I've always known.
What are you remembering? Just tell me.
Enough, enough, enough!
I can't tell you anything
that's gonna take away the pain or bring Bobby back.
I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't even be sure what actually happened.
What I'm remembering happened.
But you believe-
- It doesn't matter what I believe.
'Cause all that does is keep us stuck here!
Stuck in a place that we can't move on from.
And all that would do, Amanda, look at me, look at me.
And all that would do is free my guilt
and cause you more pain and more confusion.
And I'm not gonna do that, that's not why I came back.
Then why the fuck did you come back?
Because this has to end.
This has to end.
We've gotta let go of Bobby if we're gonna move forward,
that's it, we gotta let go.
All right?
Both of us.
I don't know how to forgive you for what you did.
You don't have to,
you can come down and you can hate me all you want.
I didn't say hate.
My mom, I hate.
I can't stand to live with her anymore.
My dad's just too weak to see it.
You can help him see it.
Yeah.
Amanda, look at me, just come down.
Hey, it's gonna be all right.
Hey.
Hey, it's okay, it's gonna be all right, I promise.
It will now, it will be.
You really gonna be okay?
Yeah, I'm really gonna be okay.
You're not bullshitting me?
Are you gonna be looking over my shoulder
the rest of my life?
If I have to, yes.
I'm always gonna be here for you, okay?
I know.
Thank you, David.
Goodnight, McDowell.
What, was this your big plan?
A warm bed, pills, sleep, and then gone.
No more pain, no one'll miss me.
You're like, really good.
I'm not good enough.
Says who?
Says me.
And if I'm not good enough to get where I wanna go then,
what's even the point of trying?
My dad's just too weak to see it.
You can help him see it.
No, no.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
No.
Is he?
I'll go call the ambulance.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, David, no, no, no.
I'm gonna go call the ambulance.
Amanda.
I'm gonna go call the ambulance.
Amanda.
Amanda, Amanda.
Amanda.
What?
David.
It's gonna be okay.
Amanda.
What, David, what, what, what?
What?
Did you take the pills?
No, no, I didn't take them, I didn't take them.
I didn't take them, I'm gonna be okay.
Good.
I'm gonna be okay.
Good.
You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna go call the ambulance, okay?
David, David, David, stay with me, okay?
No, no.
No, no,
no!
No.
No, no!
No!
No.
Don't let Violet's life be ruined.
I won't, it wasn't her fault,
and it wasn't yours either.
Go.
I'm gonna set the table for the three of us
in case David makes it home for dinner tonight.
Dad.
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull