What are you doing?
Sometimes I hum warp engine sounds
just to, you know, soothe myself.
Well, that is not what the engine sounds like.
Duh. That was Enterprise-D at warp 4.
This is Cerritos.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
It's like...
Fletcher, no. The Cerritos has inverted plasma distributors,
so it's a little bit higher pitch, like...
Wrong. The shhz doesn't come from the distributors.
It's the vibrations in the dilithium dispersement manifold.
It's like this. Fzzzzz...
No, guys, guys, it's like this. Shhh...
Dude, I'm telling you, it's Fzzz...
And Voyager was all... jzzz...
Are we doing the engine sounds?
Hchhhh...
Security to Deck 11.
Something is very wrong down here.
On the ground, now!
- Ah! - We're just humming the... - I said freeze!
Oh, it is a little higher.
Security log, stardate 57663.9.
Our standoff with Drookmani scavengers continues.
Their claim of salvage on Starfleet cargo is ludicrous.
Thus far, my recommendation of full assault has been ignored
in favor of a more...
diplomatic approach.
As I've already said, Captain,
while we appreciate your discovery of this cargo,
we can only offer you a finder's reward.
This trash is ours. We claim salvage.
It has "Starfleet" stamped on it.
That's our trash.
It's been abandoned
for more than 100 years!
That means it's clear for salvage.
We're taking it!
Captain, they're attempting to load that cargo
- with their tractor beam. - Oh, no, they didn't.
Engage our tractor beam.
Those crates are brimming with unique Starfleet technology.
We can't let them have it.
If we fire on them, it's an act of war.
- I advise we fire on them. - Shaxs!
Shields up. Yellow alert.
Our goal is that this doesn't turn violent.
But if it does, our crew is ready and focused.
Fletcher! Fletcher! Fletcher...
That's like three cantaloupes worth of purée.
- He could beat the record! - He's doing it!
Come on, Fletcher, sloupe that 'loupe!
- Whoo-hoo! Ooh... - Aah!
Do you know how hard it is to get cheese out of fur
in a sonic shower?!
Oh, no, I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to.
Don't try to butter my bread, Ensign.
I've heard about you.
- But I didn't... What? - You're a disgrace.
You want to goof around? Go work on Starbase 80.
Damn. Starbase 80?
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize cats ate nachos.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
All right, all right, all right. Here, Doc.
- Here's a warm towel. - Give me that!
And some freshly replicated nachos.
Try the carnitas. It's delicioso.
At least someone around here appreciates rank.
- Mm... - Don't listen to her.
She's just a cat in a coat.
Thanks for defusing that, Fletch.
I was about to go nuts.
Fletcher's like a natural peace negotiator.
He was always getting us out of trouble
back in the Academy.
Ha. Remember when those Nausicans
tried to eat your heart?
Yeah, until you convinced them just to spit in my face.
I was lucky you were there.
Uh, Mariner, you were lucky he was here, too.
You know, it's not very Starfleet
to take a swing at the bridge crew.
Whatever. I'm Starfleet as hell.
And if somebody brings up Starbase 80,
they better be ready to throw down.
Hey, Mariner, don't let the senior officers
get in your head.
You wouldn't be here if you weren't great.
'Cause there's a baseline of goodness
to everyone in Starfleet.
Even Boimler.
So, um, what do you think's in that cargo
that has everyone so wound up?
A bunch of cryo-frozen princesses
or maybe some fruit?
Ooh, I hope it's old communicators.
You know, the original clamshell design.
Ah! Do you think we're going to find out?
Once they figure things out with those aliens,
they'll probably us space walk to get everything cataloged.
Uh, space walk? Really?
W-Why can't we just use the cargo transporter?
- That stuff's too massive. - Ah...
Wait, what's wrong? I thought you loved archival cataloging.
You talk about it all the time.
I have a horrible secret.
I never finished my space-walk unit at the Academy.
What? How did you graduate?
I don't know. He just gave me a "B,"
and I didn't say anything.
It must have been a clerical error.
I'm a monster. Why didn't I just confess?!
Spacewalking is easy.
You just float and magnet. Float and magnet.
But what if I forget to magnet?!
I'll spin out into the void of space
and burn up in the atmosphere of a gas giant.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
That's not gonna happen.
Listen, I've been working on this new holodeck
training program.
I think it can help you.
- You want to try it out? - Oh, my gosh, yes.
Thank you. Thank you so much, Rutherford. Ah!
The holodeck. Gah, why didn't I think of that sooner?
Yeah, you know, it's not just for hanging with Sherlock Holmes
and Robin Hood and Sigmund Freud and Cyrano de Bergerac
and Einstein and da Vinci and Stephen Hawking
and Socrates...
Oh, five isolinear cores down and,
ugh, just a ton more to go.
You know, when you call something a "core,"
it implies there's going to be one big one,
not a million little ones.
Ugh, we're not gonna make it to the Chu Chu dance.
I traded Kowalski 12 shifts so I could go.
Chu Chu dance?
That sounds awesome. Is it really that good?
Oh, yeah. I saw the Zebulon Sisters do it
back on Deep Space 3, and I am just now
coming down from the high.
- Chu Chu! - Chu Chu.
- Oh, great. Everybody's going except us. - Guys.
I can handle this on my own.
Go get your Chu Chu on.
Oh, no, no, no, we would not make you do that.
You would do the same for me. I've got this.
Lower Deckers stick together.
Fletcher, that is super cool, man.
Hell yeah. Thanks, Fletcher.
Mariner, let's go get our Chu Chu shirts.
We have Chu Chu shirts?
Yeah, I made us Chu Chu shirts, come on.
Chu Chu!
Ah, back to work.
All right, don't you worry.
My program will have you spacewalking
with the best of 'em.
Computer, load Rutherford Training Beta 2.5.
Aah!
Hi. Can I teach you a lesson?
Aw. Well, who's this little guy?
This is Badgey.
He's a virtual tutor who can walk you through
any Starfleet exercise you can imagine.
Aw, look at his little arms.
Yeah, I made him cute.
Hi, Badgey, I'm Tendi.
Hi. Can I teach you a lesson?
Yes, um, can you show me how to perform
an untethered cargo retrieval in open space?
Sometimes it takes a second.
You got it.
Wow, you coded this yourself?
Yeah, it's just a hobby.
- But the gravitational waves were tricky. - Ah!
Oh, uh, uh...
So this is spacewalking?
I like it.
Just don't get your magnet boots too close to...
Oh!
Oh, we're stuck together.
I think we're stuck together.
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Let me just...
Looks like you want to recover lost cargo.
- Did I get that right? - Oh, yeah. Almost forgot.
Coming right up.
Wow, look at him... Look at him try.
Ugh, that shouldn't happen.
Badgey, restart cargo recovery.
Badgey, restart sequence!
Sorry, it usually works.
Badgey, stop it!
Uh, no, it's-it's nothing, really.
Come on, you stupid glitch.
We're back in business.
I can't believe I actually made eye contact
with one of the Zebulon Sisters.
Oh, God, I forgot how to breathe.
Oh, my God, and then, when they added the third Chu,
and they were doing the Chu Chu Chu dance?
They're geniuses.
I'm glad we did this together, Boims.
Sometimes you can be, like, really not annoying.
Yeah. Sometimes you can be not annoying, too.
Fletcher!
- Oh, no, I'm so woozy. - Are you okay?
- What happened? - Oh...
The core. I was working on the core.
Everything was going fine, until...
I couldn't move. I-I couldn't breathe.
Fletcher, you tell me who did this to you.
Uh, I don't know.
Next thing I knew, you were here,
and now I'm saying this.
Guys, somebody made off with one of the isolinear cores
for the shield array
Is that important?
Kinda. They regulate auto-repair when the shield's damaged.
I messed up the shields?
Hey, hey, it's okay. It's like a backup of a backup.
Seems like somebody wanted to get you in trouble
without damaging the ship.
The next time the bridge runs a shield diagnostic,
they'll definitely notice it's missing.
I'm gonna get court-martialed.
No, you're not. We can figure this out
before anyone notices.
We're the ones who left you alone.
We have to work together to get that core back.
Okay, who's shady as hell
and knows this system as well as we do?
Delta Shift.
These creepy Delta Shift guys have always
rubbed me the wrong way.
I mean, what, they do our jobs while we sleep? So weird.
Check it out, guys.
Beta Shifters.
Shouldn't you guys be getting ready for bed?
Hey, which one of you jerks
never bothers to wipe down the diagnostic panel?
Other people use that thing.
- Um... - Look, we don't want to be here.
I don't like us being awake at the same time.
It feels wrong, okay? But we need some answers.
Oh, damn, this must be the Beta Shift's version
of a badass.
Mariner's a total badass!
And if you don't come clean, she's gonna
(bleep) your (bleep) off!
Whoa, Fletcher, ease up, man.
Guys, I'm not gonna do that. I'm so sorry.
Just give us the core, we'll go,
- and this can all be over. - What core?
Oh, please. Puh-lease!
Look, someone knocked Fletcher out
and stole an isolinear core.
Are you accusing us of assault?
Get out of here!
We don't know anything about a core.
That's it. You want some of this?
Where's the core? Where's the core?
- Where's the core, dude? Where's the core? - Guys, no, no.
- Don't undo your flaps. - Do you want to dance?
I'll take you to the dance.
I'll pick you up at your mom and dad's house.
You don't talk about my dad!
Wait, hold on. When did this all go down?
Uh, I don't know. A few hours ago.
What? We were at the Chu Chu dance with you.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh! - Chu Chu... Chu Chu dance.
Wow. A double dance. Chu Chu dance.
Oh, my God, Chu Chu dance.
And at the end, when they added the third Chu
and it became the Chu Chu Chu dance,
I cried. I saw you crying, too. Don't even lie.
Oh, damn, you were there.
Yeah, that checks out. It had to be someone else, man.
Don't you remember anything?
I don't know. It was dark.
It was totally dark. Couldn't see anything.
Whoa!
Did they just fire on us?
Impossible. These guys don't even have weapons.
The Drookmani have reversed their tractor beam
to launch the cargo against our hull.
These guys are lucky I'm so ethical and considerate.
Captain, something is wrong with our shields.
They shouldn't be fading this fast.
Permission to destroy the enemy ship.
They're trying to bait us into a fight.
We have to find a way to end this peacefully.
We're Starfleet, damn it.
- Whoa! - What? Aah!
Non-essential power diverted.
Safety protocols disabled.
What the heck?
Uh, we should get out of here. Computer, end program.
I said computer, end program.
That's not good.
Badgey, run diagnostic.
You got it.
Ow!
Sorry about that.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Badgey, what the hell?
Oh, guess I'm just a stupid, worthless glitch!
Oh. Badgey?
Computer, re-engage safety protocols.
Safety protocols are unavailable.
Get off me. He's corrupted!
Can I teach you a lesson?
Computer, load Bajoran marketplace!
Put this on, put this on. We got to blend in.
We got to keep going.
Fun fact,
I'm gonna rip your eyes out!
That fact wasn't fun!
Our shields can't take much more of this.
These guys are begging for a fight.
I say we give it to 'em.
Phasers locked onto their warp core, Captain.
Please, please let me shoot their warp core.
I have been very good this month.
- Evasive pattern Sulu-Alpha. - Oh, come on!
I thought you said this trash wasn't worth fighting for.
We're not fighting.
Avoiding damage is fighting.
We can talk this out.
(bleep) you.
Oh, man, the shields must be slammed.
If they fall below 50%, they'll realize the core's gone.
- And then I'll be gone. - Wait, wait, wait.
I thought Drookmani were just scavengers.
The Drookmani! I bet they took the core,
to mess with our defenses.
The guy who zapped me was definitely an alien.
We got to report this to the bridge.
Whoa, hold up. We got to scan the ship for intruders,
I'm not going to the captain without proof.
Okay, let's go. Let's go get our scanners.
Okay, listen.
I'll search decks two through ten.
Fletcher, you... the... Huh?
The core? Fletcher, it was in your bunk?
Uh, uh, aliens. It's, uh, aliens.
Those frickin' aliens, I knew they'd do this.
They're gonna frame me.
- I knew it. - Fletcher.
I messed up, you guys.
Oh, man, I really messed up.
- I'm the worst! I'm slime! - Stop it!
- Get ahold of yourself and shut up. - Stupid, stupid Fletcher!
Just tell us what you did.
When you guys went to the Chu Chu dance,
I was doing all that rewiring on my own,
and it was getting so hard, so, I was like,
"This would be so much easier if I were smarter."
And then I was like, "Wait. The computer's smart.
- "Maybe it can make me smart." - What?
So I hooked it up directly to my brain,
and let it run so it would make me smarter.
Ooh, boy, that is not a good idea.
Neural pathway established.
But I didn't get smarter.
It broke and I peed my pants.
So I hid down here and told you guys
I had been attacked so you wouldn't feel let down.
Yeah, I don't kn... uh, I don't know what to do with this.
We're supposed to have each other's backs, Fletcher!
You were gonna lie to the captain about an alien attack?
You could have started a war.
Come on, just back me up.
All we do is back you up, and all you do is lie!
I just wanted you to be proud of me.
I messed up.
It's... ugh... it's okay.
We can reformat the core and put this all behind us.
- I guess. - Really?
Oh, thanks, you guys.
You know, I've actually learned a lot today.
This has been, like, a learning experience for me.
That's all that matters. And you know what?
We're Starfleet. We are Starfleet.
And when we make mistakes, we learn...
Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!
- What did you do to it? - I don't know!
- Make me smarter. - Make me smarter.
Ugh, Fletcher, your brain waves corrupted that thing.
It's incorporating anything it can get its grabber on.
- Fletcher, you've got to call this in! - But I'll get in trouble!
If this thing gets loose it could mess up the ship. Show me something!
Alert the captain right now!
You're right. Just let me get my tricorder here...
Hello! Die! Die! Die!
- Fletcher! - Dummy!
Dummy! Party of dumbass!
- Me smart. - Get off of me! Let go!
You help me or I'll say this was all your idea.
I'm not going down for this.
Dude, what you're doing is so not Starfleet.
You break rules all the time.
Only dumb rules that shouldn't be there
so I can do a better job.
I would never put anyone in danger.
Except sometimes maybe Boimler.
Stupid, stupid Fletcher!
I'm sorry. This is all my fault.
Here's a tip.
I'm going to burn your hearts in a fire!
- Leave us alone, Badgey! - No!
- You were only trying to help. - No, I was trying to show off.
I knew Badgey wasn't ready yet, but I wanted to impress you.
I just think you're really cool. I'm an idiot.
Aw, Rutherford, you impress me every day.
You're very scientific.
I mean, Badgey's an amazing piece of programming,
- even if he does want to kill us. - Yeah.
He is a killing machine, isn't he?
It's actually weird that he hasn't murdered us yet.
Hope you're ready to die.
Just as soon as I... get up there...
gonna kill you.
Aw. Poor little guy's really having trouble
with those stairs.
You've got this, Badgey! Wait, what am I doing?
He shouldn't be affected by the physical parameters
of the simulation.
I'm gonna wear your skin!
Wait, if we're tiring him out,
then maybe we can freeze him out.
Computer, load environment 83.
Quick. Come on.
Shield integrity 40% and dropping.
Automatic repair is down, switching to manual.
Dummy! Dummy!
Quick. Grab that edge, we got to drag it...
Guys, wait. I know what to do.
You figured out how to fix it?
I wish. No.
We let this thing beat us up a little,
then later we say that a Q showed up
and caused all of this.
Nobody will doubt us 'cause we'll be all busted up
and, you know, Qs are super unpredictable.
Here, help me feed some stuff
into this thing so it gets bigger.
Delicioso.
Oh, real nice, guys. Let me out of here! Come on!
- The Q thing's a good idea! - Let go!
Uh, it just incorporated a light panel.
We've got to get it to the transporter
before it's too big to move.
I know you guys were friends at the Academy,
I do not like Fletcher.
Ow! We got to rethink this whole
"Lower Decks stands together" thing.
- What you got? - You know, it's kind of nice
that we aren't fighting for once.
Yeah. I guess we make a good team.
- What you got? - From now on,
some Lower Deckers stand together.
Come on, bro, square up.
Whoa! Oh, no.
Oh, (bleep), there's no way
we're gonna make it to the transporter.
Airlock.
Aliens. It's, uh, aliens.
Those frickin aliens!
Here. Fetch!
Whoa! I got this.
You don't talk about my dad!
Whew.
- Oh, that was close. - Ooh, yeah. Disaster averted.
Wait, wait. Is it drifting towards the Drookmani?
No, no, no, no...
Oh, no.
We are so getting fired for this.
Shields are down, Captain.
I have done everything I can to respect their sanctity of life,
to avoid conflict, and give them the benefit of the doubt.
The Drookmani have given me no choice.
Shaxs, target their warp core.
Yes!
No! We waited too long.
Weapons systems are down.
We need to get the crew into escape pods now.
Prepare to abandon ship.
Wait, Captain. Look. What is that?
- Uh... - We did it!
I don't know what we did, but we did it!
Stay awake, Tendi. We can do this.
Did... did we lose him?
Uh, yeah. We're doing fine.
We're so good. Keep going.
Ah. Not running anymore, Father?
This ends now, Badgey.
After I gut you, I'm gonna slit
your little green friend's throat
and take a bath in her blood.
No, you're not!
I'm gonna wear your skin!
You can't hurt me, Father.
Maybe with your disappointment, but not with your fists.
I'm sorry I yelled at you, son.
I was just trying to impress Tendi.
I mean, look at her. She's so cute.
It's too late for apologies.
It's too...
Kill you...
So cold. Father?
I'm so sorry it came to this, Badgey.
I'm gonna cut off your foot.
No. Don't talk.
- It's over now. - Diplomatic immunity.
Badgey!
Got it. Restoring main power.
Safety protocols restored.
Hi. Can I teach you a lesson?
- Oh, hey. Hi, Badgey. - Um...
Um, does he remember he was trying to, uh...
Remember what? Can I teach you a lesson?
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Actually, you know what?
- We were just heading out. - Yeah, yeah, we're-we're good.
Thanks, Badgey.
You got it. If you need me, Badgey's here.
I'm always here.
Ow, my frickin' wrists are all chafed.
Good. Shut up.
That core had my brain pattern all over it.
If they find it and kick me off the ship,
you're going down with me.
What the hell is going on down here?
We've got an unauthorized airlock ejection,
a missing computer core, and somebody attacked
that Drookmani ship.
You three better have one hell of an explanation.
Oh, I'll tell you exactly what happened.
Ensign Fletcher's
brilliant improvisation,
updating the isolinear core to weaponize it
against the Drookmani saved the Cerritos.
Fletcher demonstrated the sort of selfless heroism
that Starfleet's all about.
It's that heroism that earned him a promotion
and a transfer to the Titan!
Oh, man.
Wow.
Did we have to get him promoted?
Eh, you know what they say, keep your friends close
and your enemies way the hell somewhere else.
Whoa. The Titan.
Isn't that, like, your dream gig?
Yeah. It is.
But you know what, maybe this is just what Fletcher needs
to turn things around.
New ship, new duties.
It might just make him a better man.
I got frickin' fired!
What? You, fired?
Who would fire you, ever?
It's like, who says you're not supposed to empty trash
into the warp core? It all burns up anyway.
Oh, yeah, who wouldn't make that mistake?
I thought maybe you guys could, like, put in
- a good word for me or... - Uh, hey, Fletcher?
Fletcher. Sorry, you're breaking up.
I think you're going through a temporal rift or something.
- A rift? What a... Hello? - Whoa, Fletcher, there's a Q.
- I'm holding my badge up... - There's a Q doing crazy Q stuff.
- Got to go. - Can you hear me? Guys...
Well, he's Earth's problem now.
Got to say, I'd rather serve with a dozen of you
than one Fletcher.
I mean, yeah, you break the rules all the time,
but at your heart, you're Starfleet.
Aw, Boimler. That's really nice. Thanks, man.
Now come on. I got the keys to the captain's yacht.
Wait, what? You shouldn't have those.
No, it's cool. I signed them out in your name.
- Last one there's a Fletcher. - Wait. No, no, no.
That's not the lesson here!
Lower Decks, let's go!