1 00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,984 It's No Dice! A game of wits, a game of skill, 2 00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,024 but most of all, a game of chance, 3 00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:42,692 where brains will only get you so far, because on No Dice... 4 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,984 The dice decide! 5 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:50,359 Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Hot Table. 6 00:00:50,442 --> 00:00:52,024 Does paradise await? 7 00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:55,901 Or will Floyd succumb to the viscous snake eyes? 8 00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,442 Back to you, Chip. 9 00:00:57,526 --> 00:01:00,359 Floyd, your total for the week is 12,500, 10 00:01:00,442 --> 00:01:02,149 plus you've won the living room set. 11 00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:05,692 - It's a lot on the line, Floyd. - Sure, it is. 12 00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,608 It's all up to you, Floyd. 13 00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:10,442 Are you going to walk away or let it ride? 14 00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,775 Um, I, um... 15 00:01:12,858 --> 00:01:15,525 - He should be here any minute. I'm going to let it ride. 16 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,859 He's going to let it ride! 17 00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:20,484 Are you nervous? 18 00:01:23,109 --> 00:01:25,067 It's okay. I'm nervous too. 19 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:29,609 Are you r-r-r-ready to roll? 20 00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:31,234 I'm ready to roll, Chip! 21 00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,651 Hey. You're about to have the real thing, right? 22 00:01:59,859 --> 00:02:04,108 Sir, just a reminder, we are filming this visit for Dreams2realities.com. 23 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,525 Steph, how long have you been working on the show? 24 00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:13,025 How about a mint? 25 00:02:17,317 --> 00:02:18,818 Wallet. 26 00:02:19,818 --> 00:02:21,025 Phone. 27 00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:25,776 All right, we're doing 15 minutes tops with this old bag. 28 00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:29,734 So when I say, "Boy, I sure have the best fans!" 29 00:02:29,818 --> 00:02:33,192 you make a pained expression, look at your watch and say, "I'm so sorry..." 30 00:02:33,275 --> 00:02:35,150 "Sorry, we have to head to the airport now." 31 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:38,234 Now, watch how it's done. I might even get us out of here in 10. 32 00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:44,984 Mr. Crawford. Please, come in. 33 00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,567 And where is the lucky young lady?! 34 00:02:48,817 --> 00:02:50,817 Well, hello there. You must be Enid. 35 00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:53,234 Wow. You know, I was just telling Steph here, 36 00:02:53,317 --> 00:02:58,484 we were just so moved, Enid, when we'd heard your story. 37 00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:01,776 We couldn't wait to come and meet such a special lady. 38 00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:06,234 Oh boy. Tea time with Chip and Enid. 39 00:03:06,693 --> 00:03:08,067 I love tea. 40 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,609 Enid, I hear that you are the biggest No Dice fan 41 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,567 in your retirement community. 42 00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:17,025 In fact, it says here that... 43 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:20,901 you wrestled a man for the remote when he tried to change the channel. 44 00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:24,484 Steph, I think I found my new bodyguard. 45 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,609 Steph, let's show Enid some of those amazing prizes. 46 00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:28,901 Okay? 47 00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:33,025 Thanks, hon. 48 00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,484 Oh, Enid. Look at this. 49 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:37,526 It's a No Dice T-shirt. 50 00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,109 Yeah. 51 00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,734 Oh, that's gonna look terrific on you. 52 00:03:41,817 --> 00:03:44,859 Uh... Oh. Oh wow! 53 00:03:44,942 --> 00:03:47,901 Enid, look at that! It's a genuine No Dice buzzer. 54 00:03:49,192 --> 00:03:51,192 You know, they don't give these to just anyone. 55 00:03:51,817 --> 00:03:54,109 Yeah. You know what? Can we do that one again? 56 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,359 Let's take that one again. All right. 57 00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:59,567 What do we have here? Oh, holy smokes, 58 00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,943 a genuine No Dice buzzer! 59 00:04:02,984 --> 00:04:04,442 Even I don't have one of these. 60 00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:05,734 Here. 61 00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:08,859 Okay, keep it comin', Steph. 62 00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:13,067 Enid, I think we got one more amazing prize for you. 63 00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:17,149 Wow. Look at that. Genuine No Dice dice. 64 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,858 Mmm. Lipton's? 65 00:04:24,149 --> 00:04:25,358 My favorite. 66 00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,108 Ah! 67 00:04:30,651 --> 00:04:33,776 Boy. I sure have the best fans. 68 00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:43,233 Could you excuse me for just a minute? 69 00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:47,108 - We got this, Steph. - We're outta here. 70 00:04:47,192 --> 00:04:49,317 Sir, we haven't even been here for five minutes. 71 00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:52,274 Tea time. Enid. Chip. Bam. Done. We're out. 72 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,274 Mr. Crawford, with all due respect, 73 00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,401 if the goal here is to demonstrate your humanity 74 00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:57,901 - and relatability... - Zip it! 75 00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,776 Now, you listen to me, missy. 76 00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,442 You think you can tell me what to do? 77 00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:04,401 I'm the talent, and I say when we're done, and we're done here. 78 00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:08,317 I could have your little millennial ass fired just like this. 79 00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,692 - So if you think for one sec... - Thank you. 80 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,233 What's that? 81 00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,274 For coming here. 82 00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:23,942 Thank... 83 00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:26,692 Thank you, Chip. 84 00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:35,608 I'm so sorry I was so shy before, I... 85 00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:40,567 I guess I was just nervous to meet you, you know? 86 00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,901 You see, I am your biggest fan. 87 00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:47,483 - Is that right? - Oh yes. 88 00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:53,024 I... love... No Dice. I... 89 00:05:53,776 --> 00:05:56,692 How even if you work your way to the Hot Table, 90 00:05:56,776 --> 00:05:59,401 it's still up to chance. 91 00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,317 The dice decide. 92 00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:05,526 It's-it's wonderful. It's like life. 93 00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:08,483 Uh-huh. Start filming again. 94 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:16,817 Listen, I don't remember too much these days. 95 00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:21,149 But I sure do remember the first time I saw No Dice. 96 00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:24,526 Oh, when that lady won, and you picked her up 97 00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:29,483 and you swung her around, it was like you'd won too. 98 00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:35,149 What I really, really love about No Dice... 99 00:06:36,942 --> 00:06:39,108 is you, Chip. 100 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,858 And-and at my retirement community 101 00:06:42,942 --> 00:06:44,733 when those ladies at the other table, 102 00:06:44,817 --> 00:06:46,733 they wanna watch Wheel, 103 00:06:46,817 --> 00:06:48,274 I get so mad. I say, 104 00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:50,401 "Why would you settle for second best 105 00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:52,776 when you can have Chip?" 106 00:06:52,858 --> 00:06:56,024 When they wanna turn the channel, I wanna smack 'em. 107 00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:02,233 Well. Um... 108 00:07:02,692 --> 00:07:07,358 I am so glad that we could make your dream come true, Enid. 109 00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:10,983 If you're happy, I'm happy. 110 00:07:15,149 --> 00:07:19,401 So, um, I think it's about time... 111 00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:21,692 To play. 112 00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:27,192 - Play what? - No Dice. 113 00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:29,858 That was the dream. 114 00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:32,108 The dream? 115 00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,317 Dreams 2 Realities. 116 00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:38,108 Play No Dice with Chip Crawford. 117 00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,692 I thought it was tea time? 118 00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:45,442 Oh, well, I always serve refreshments to my guests. 119 00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:50,692 Oh God, I can't believe I'm gonna play No Dice with Chip Crawford! 120 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:59,149 Oh... boy. Does that sound fun. 121 00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,608 And special. 122 00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:03,358 Wow. 123 00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,817 You know, I would absolutely love 124 00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,983 to play No Dice with you, Enid, my biggest fan. 125 00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:12,233 But the thing is, we really need to get to the airport. 126 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,024 You wouldn't want me to miss my flight, would you? 127 00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:16,942 No, of course not. 128 00:08:17,024 --> 00:08:18,704 Then they'd have to do No Dice without me, 129 00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,901 and I know you don't want that. 130 00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,233 It's Steph's fault, really. 131 00:08:25,317 --> 00:08:28,108 It's just a rookie mistake, but she makes them all the time. 132 00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,817 Truth is, it's becoming a bit of a pattern... 133 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,484 with her. 134 00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,609 - The job's not a good fit... - No, Chip. 135 00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:37,442 Actually our flight isn't for three hours. 136 00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,149 Steph, uh... 137 00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,234 In fact, if I head to the airport now, 138 00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,609 I can pick up your Preparation H on the way. 139 00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:45,234 Still extra strength, right? 140 00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:49,359 Oh, that is funny, Steph! 141 00:08:49,442 --> 00:08:51,359 That's really funny. The thing is, 142 00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,400 I need you to drive me to the airport. 143 00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:58,317 That's fine Chip. I'll call a car for you in, say, one hour? 144 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,650 That should give you and Enid plenty of time to play No Dice. 145 00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:03,942 Have fun! 146 00:09:13,775 --> 00:09:15,775 More tea, dear? 147 00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:18,400 Oh no. I've had plenty. 148 00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:27,984 - Now where are you going? - Smoke break. 149 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,859 Julius gets one every two hours. 150 00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:36,109 Can I ask you something? 151 00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,149 Fine. 152 00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:44,317 Do you remember that little move you used to make? 153 00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,274 - What? - You know... 154 00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:51,024 "Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?" 155 00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:52,567 Remember? 156 00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:57,484 You used to say it like that. "Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?" 157 00:09:58,274 --> 00:10:00,149 Why did you change it? 158 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:05,192 Well, Enid, the same reason I still have this mustache... 159 00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:07,024 You fans. 160 00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:08,484 What? 161 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,567 Clean-shaven Chip didn't test well. 162 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,609 You fans decided you didn't want Chip 163 00:10:13,692 --> 00:10:15,484 to wink or point at the camera anymore. 164 00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:19,650 You fans decided that would make you uncomfortable. 165 00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,900 You fans. 166 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,692 Are you all right, Chip? 167 00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:31,067 Do I seem not all right? 168 00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:34,274 You just... you don't seem like yourself. 169 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,067 Not myself? 170 00:10:37,192 --> 00:10:39,775 Do I not seem like myself to you? 171 00:10:39,859 --> 00:10:43,109 You seem different from how you are on the show. 172 00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,109 Well, Enid. 173 00:10:45,192 --> 00:10:47,942 Let's see, I've got the network up my ass, 174 00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:49,442 telling me that my ratings are down, 175 00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,109 and my audience is turning on me. 176 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:55,400 And now I've been abandoned by my producer, 177 00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:58,734 and I am stuck in this shitty motel room with you. 178 00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:03,024 So forgive me, if as I make your dreams into reality, 179 00:11:03,109 --> 00:11:06,024 I'm not perfectly cheery! 180 00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:10,567 So does this mean we're not gonna play No Dic? 181 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,734 See! This is what you get! 182 00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:17,859 You can't please the network! Can't please the fans! Can't win! 183 00:11:17,942 --> 00:11:20,984 This is what you get from being the nice guy! 184 00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,525 You get bled out! 185 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,400 I gotta take a stand somewhere. 186 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,192 I don't care if I have to walk to the airport. 187 00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,109 I'm outta here! 188 00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,942 Excuse me, Julius! 189 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,400 Hey! 190 00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:36,442 You just assaulted me! 191 00:11:36,525 --> 00:11:38,775 Your nurse just assaulted me. 192 00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:44,274 This... This is where I call the cops. 193 00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:47,859 Fuck! 194 00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:51,317 Okay. This is where I call the cops! 195 00:11:54,525 --> 00:11:57,734 - What the... - Oh, Chip. 196 00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:02,775 I can't believe you don't remember me. 197 00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:08,525 "Up next we have Enid Brown from Madison, Wisconsin. 198 00:12:08,609 --> 00:12:12,442 "Enid, it says here you enjoy bridge club, 199 00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:16,859 "and make original needlepoints of club members' dogs. 200 00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,734 "That sounds fantastic, Enid. 201 00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:22,317 Maybe I could commission one of them." 202 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,024 - You were on No Dice? - Mm-hmm. 203 00:12:28,109 --> 00:12:33,400 June 6th, 1993. Episode 1053. 204 00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,817 That was almost 30 years ago. 205 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,484 You realize we've done nearly 6,000 episodes, right? 206 00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:42,192 Six thousand three hundred and eighty-nine. 207 00:12:42,817 --> 00:12:47,442 Yes, I know Chip. See, I am your biggest fan, remember? 208 00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:50,984 - Sure. - That night... 209 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,734 I made it all the way to the Hot Table. 210 00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:57,359 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. You wanna know how I did it? 211 00:12:57,859 --> 00:13:00,650 - No. - I let it ride, Chip. 212 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,525 It was all on the line. 213 00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:05,024 And then I rolled a seven. 214 00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:06,984 I won. 215 00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,942 But the judges made me roll again, 216 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,149 because of the hands on the table. 217 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:20,567 You see, when the dice hit anything, anything at all, they call interference, 218 00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:25,650 and the dice hit hands, your hands, Chip. 219 00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,234 Why would I put my hands on the Hot Table? 220 00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:33,734 Well, I'm pretty sure you had your hands on the table to steady yourself, Chip, 221 00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:38,274 because you were blackout drunk and staring at my breasts! 222 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:42,442 And because of your hands, I lost... 223 00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,942 the Golden Grandfather Clock. 224 00:13:49,817 --> 00:13:52,984 The... Golden Grandfather Clock? 225 00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,775 Yes, that's what I wanted, Chip. 226 00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:58,234 And that's what I lost because of you. 227 00:14:00,692 --> 00:14:02,274 That's it? 228 00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:04,859 You brought me here over a clock? 229 00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,359 Jesus Christ. 230 00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:16,234 Well... I've got great news for you, Enid. 231 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,984 You can order Golden Grandfather Clocks over the Internet. 232 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:25,525 It would be my pleasure, my great pleasure, 233 00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:28,609 to buy you, Enid, a Golden Grandfather Clock. 234 00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:31,984 - Just send me your address... - I don't want your money. 235 00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:36,317 I'm your biggest fan. You're trying to buy me off? 236 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,400 I'm 80 years old! I don't need money! 237 00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:42,984 - I don't follow. - The dice decide. 238 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:45,400 That's the whole point of the show, isn't it? 239 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:51,274 And the dice decided that I, Enid Brown, was the winner. 240 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:56,400 I'd never won anything in my life before. 241 00:14:57,359 --> 00:15:02,234 For once, I wanted to be the one with confetti raining down on me, 242 00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,400 and everyone cheering for me. 243 00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:07,024 And I thought maybe you'd pick me up and swing me around 244 00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,859 like you did on that first episode I saw. 245 00:15:11,859 --> 00:15:15,859 And then, I'd look at that grandfather clock and... 246 00:15:15,942 --> 00:15:18,859 and remember the greatest day of my life. 247 00:15:18,942 --> 00:15:21,692 But instead, it was the worst day. 248 00:15:23,609 --> 00:15:25,650 You don't make it easy, Chip. 249 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,984 You ruined my roll because you were drunk and ogling me. 250 00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,567 Now I forgave you, 251 00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:38,149 'cause I kept remembering how you swung that lady around, 252 00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,942 how happy you were for her and I thought, 253 00:15:40,024 --> 00:15:42,442 how can I stay mad at him? 254 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,942 So I watched you for years, and I stuck with you, 255 00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:49,149 through the drinking and the hair plugs, 256 00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,984 and when my friends gave up on you 257 00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,442 and said, "Eh, he's an asshole. He's a drunk. 258 00:15:54,525 --> 00:15:56,109 He's an empty shell of a man." 259 00:15:56,192 --> 00:16:00,024 I had faith in you. I had faith, Chip! 260 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,234 And if you knew how important this was to me, 261 00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,359 if you... 262 00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:15,650 If I got you here, if you remembered me, you'd make it right. 263 00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,192 Make it right? 264 00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:24,484 Make what right? That you lost a game show? 265 00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:27,859 What about me? 266 00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,775 Who's gonna make it right for me? 267 00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:32,942 You're-You're rich and famous, Chip! 268 00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,442 So what? 269 00:16:35,109 --> 00:16:38,359 My whole life is a total misery. 270 00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,734 All I do is host this show. 271 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,775 And the few off days I have, 272 00:16:42,859 --> 00:16:45,400 I now have to spend traveling around the country, 273 00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:49,650 groveling before my fans, begging them to take me back. 274 00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:51,274 Geh... I'm all yours! 275 00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,149 I... regrew and maintained this mustache because of you. 276 00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,942 - I got these hair plugs because of you! - I love your mustache, 277 00:16:57,024 --> 00:16:58,650 and I don't care about your hair. 278 00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:01,317 I gave everything to this show. 279 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,526 Before No Dice, I was on Broadway. 280 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,067 I was incredible in Hamlet. 281 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,067 They said I was the next Olivier. 282 00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,733 I had real chops. 283 00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:14,858 But no one wants to see Chip Crawford do anything except No Dice. 284 00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:17,651 I built myself a prison. 285 00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,108 And now I want out. 286 00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:22,067 So no, Enid. I'm not gonna make it right. 287 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,317 And fuck you for asking me! 288 00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,817 You think I care? Here's the truth. 289 00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:31,108 I never cared! 290 00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:37,608 I'm disappointed in you. 291 00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:47,275 You, Chip Crawford, are a massive, colossal disappointment. 292 00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:54,983 Don't think that mommy shit is gonna work on me. 293 00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,651 It's not gonna work on me. 294 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,317 It's never enough. 295 00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,776 You just want more, and more! 296 00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:12,567 You want more? Huh? 297 00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:16,275 You want more Chip?! I'll give you more Chip! 298 00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:19,651 You heard me! You wanna play No Dice? 299 00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:22,651 Let's play No Dice. 300 00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:30,317 We got Enid Brown from Wisconsin. 301 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,025 Enid, step up to the Hot Table! 302 00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,817 Oh... okay. 303 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:42,067 Here, take your goddamn dice. 304 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,526 What about the trivia round? 305 00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:47,651 Trivia round? You want a trivia round? Okay. 306 00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:50,150 I'll give you a goddamn trivia round. 307 00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,733 Now, here's your buzzer. 308 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,275 How many years of my life have I relinquished 309 00:18:55,358 --> 00:18:57,567 to the ungrateful, needy No Dice fans? 310 00:18:57,651 --> 00:18:59,192 Thirty! 311 00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:01,733 Correct, 30 long years. Now, next question. 312 00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:05,608 What is my real name? The one they might have taken seriously 313 00:19:05,692 --> 00:19:09,317 instead of the childish nickname I am now forever saddled with. 314 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,317 - Walter! - Correct. 315 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,858 And finally, what is the name of the 1991 film 316 00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:17,608 that I wrote, directed, starred and funded 317 00:19:17,692 --> 00:19:20,233 in a futile attempt to get my acting career back. 318 00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:22,858 Pangs of the Morning! 319 00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:25,651 I've seen it four times. 320 00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,233 - Really? - Really. 321 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,233 All right, it's time for the fucking Hot Table. 322 00:19:30,942 --> 00:19:34,275 -Everything okay? -Everything's fine! Go away. We're playing. 323 00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:36,150 Now, Enid, I don't envy you. 324 00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:37,901 You can walk away with just the money, 325 00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:40,358 but I have a feeling you want more. 326 00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,483 Oh, yes, Chip. I do. 327 00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,401 You want that goddamn grandfather clock. 328 00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:46,608 I do! 329 00:19:46,692 --> 00:19:48,526 But you could lose it all though. 330 00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:49,901 Oh, what a choice. 331 00:19:49,983 --> 00:19:52,692 Let's ask our annoyingly enthusiastic studio audience 332 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,858 what Enid should do! 333 00:19:54,942 --> 00:19:59,233 - Let it ride! - Let it ride! Let it ride! 334 00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,858 Oh, ho, ho, the tension is palpable, folks. 335 00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:06,025 On the line, is the one-of-a-kind Golden Grandfather Clock, 336 00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:08,942 plus some other fabulous prizes. Herb, tell her what we got! 337 00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,692 That's right, Chip, we've got some fantastic prizes 338 00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,608 furnished by Valhalla Appliance. 339 00:20:14,692 --> 00:20:16,275 Are you tired of working your kitchen? 340 00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:18,108 Have your kitchen work for you! 341 00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,692 Valhalla Appliance... It's what's cookin'! 342 00:20:20,776 --> 00:20:23,067 All right, it's all up to Enid. 343 00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:27,317 Enid, are you going to walk away or let it fuckin' ride? 344 00:20:27,942 --> 00:20:32,025 I'm going to let it ride, Chip! 345 00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,150 - Wow, folks! She's gonna let it ride! 346 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,817 She made her choice! But now... 347 00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:39,275 The dice decide! 348 00:20:39,942 --> 00:20:42,567 Remember, Enid, you need a seven to win. 349 00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:44,901 But if you roll snake eyes... 350 00:20:44,983 --> 00:20:47,526 Well, put it this way, we'll cover your bus ticket home. 351 00:20:47,608 --> 00:20:50,275 Now, you've come this far. 352 00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,776 Now the dice decide. 353 00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:57,192 Yes, Chip. The dice decide. 354 00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,733 Enid, are you... 355 00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:03,358 r-r-r-ready to roll? 356 00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:08,192 Yes, Chip. I'm r-r-r-ready! 357 00:21:59,275 --> 00:22:01,692 Well, folks... 358 00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,483 Look at that. Lucky number seven. 359 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,942 Enid won the trip, the money, the kitchen set, 360 00:22:10,025 --> 00:22:12,483 - and the Golden Grandfather Clock! - I won! 361 00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:14,817 I won! 362 00:22:26,317 --> 00:22:28,901 Oh, Chip. 363 00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:34,233 Oh. Thank you so much. 364 00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:37,901 You're welcome.