1 00:00:00,876 --> 00:00:02,002 [INHALES SHARPLY] 2 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:03,712 [GRUNTS, GROANS] 3 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,339 [SPUTTERS] 4 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,549 Welcome to Ron Wilcox's Action Star School. 5 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,552 I'm Ron Wilcox, and that was your first lesson. 6 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:11,970 Getting hit in the head with a bat? 7 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:15,057 Oh, you are naive. That was a prop bat. 8 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,059 - It was made of plastic. - Wasn't goddamn plastic. 9 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,393 I've been hit with a bat before. 10 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,103 I know what a metal bat fucking feel like. 11 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,356 All right, hey. Mr. Van De Velde told me to tell him 12 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:26,017 if you complain about anything being too difficult. 13 00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:28,529 No. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not complaining. 14 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,322 - Mm-hmm. - I'm not complaining about nothing. I loved that. 15 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,782 - Mm-hmm. - I thought it was great, 16 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,244 - to be honest with you. Gave me a rush. - Good. Let's take the tour. 17 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,453 - Yeah. - Come on. 18 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,039 This place used to be a slaughterhouse 19 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:42,125 up until the '70s, and then, as legend has it, 20 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,586 the animals revolted against their tormentors 21 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,171 and they slaughtered the humans. 22 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,799 - KEVIN: Oh, my God. - And my pal Charles Norris... 23 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,034 you know him as Chuck... well, he needed a place to train. 24 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,096 - Mm-hmm. - I bought it, I mentored him. 25 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:57,224 And that's why he's the badass that he is today. 26 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,852 [EXHALES SHARPLY] Yeah. 27 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:04,314 He nearly died within these walls. 28 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:08,235 And that's how Ron Wilcox's Action Star School got born. 29 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,612 Ron Wilcox's ASS for short. 30 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,823 What the fuck did you just say to me? 31 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,205 Did Matt get... Matt Damon go here? 32 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,124 [LAUGHS] Oh, Matty boy! 33 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,750 Fuck yeah! 34 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,752 Matt Damon. Before he came to me, 35 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,796 he was a no-name actor from New England. 36 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,674 He was nothing. He was 100 pounds soaking wet. 37 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,635 Uh, you sure we're talking about the same Matt Damon? 38 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,345 Hell yeah. Matt Damon. 39 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,723 - Huh. Okay. - [PHONE RINGING] 40 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,141 - Yeah. If you say... - Uh-uh. Uh-uh. 41 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,643 Rule number one: no phones till you graduate. 42 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:44,188 Okay, I... I run an empire, so unfortunately, I need my... 43 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,731 Okay, fine. You know what I'll do? 44 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,733 I'll just call Mr. Van De Velde, and I'll tell him, "Oh, 45 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,776 the phone policy wasn't working for him. 46 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,778 It... it wasn't to his liking." 47 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,739 - I never s... - I know what you're gonna do with this. 48 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,782 You're gonna make calls to Hollywood, you're gonna say, 49 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,285 "Hello, Hollywood, Ron's school is too tough for me. 50 00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,703 I need more drugs." 51 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,413 - No. - Yeah. You're gonna say, 52 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,583 "Oh, I'm Kevin Hart. I need more caviar and champagne." 53 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,460 I just want to talk to my employees. 54 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,962 That's fine, but I'm still keeping it. 55 00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:12,090 Okay. 56 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,594 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 57 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,221 [SIGHS] 58 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,224 Okay. Until you graduate, you are forbidden 59 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,142 from visiting the outside world. 60 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,602 You'll stay here. 61 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,395 - Say what? - You got your bed, 62 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,648 you got your toilet, you got your sink. 63 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,234 All the modern amenities. 64 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,319 [METAL THUDDING, CREAKING] 65 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,701 Okay. It's supposed to toughen me up. 66 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,538 Okay, I get it. 67 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:45,624 Yeah. I'm good with that. 68 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,042 Yeah. 69 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,836 Might be a little too good with it. 70 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:52,631 And rule number two: no fucking on the premises. 71 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:57,010 No anal, no blowjobs, no nothing. 72 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,471 Who else is here? 73 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,518 Just me. 74 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,064 So those... those two Colombian guys that hit me 75 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,733 in the head with the prop bat, they were actors, right? 76 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,151 Yeah. Exactly. 77 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,196 Okay, rule number three: 78 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,032 when you're under this roof, your name is no longer Kevin. 79 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,242 It's Agent Hart. 80 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,743 And you'll refer to me 81 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:25,455 as Ron Wilcox or Ron or Wilcox or Coach Ron. 82 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,166 - I like Coach Ron. - And I refer to you as? 83 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,752 - Agent Hart. Right? See, I'm on it. - Right. Yes. 84 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,547 Now I assume you got me in this FBI jacket and stuff 85 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,883 - for a reason, so what is it? - Hey. 86 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,885 - Uh, would you do me a favor? - Yeah. 87 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,470 Uh, Kevin, would you grab that chair for me? 88 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,181 Yeah, you need this one? 89 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,849 No, goddamn it! 90 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,101 I said respond only to "Agent Hart." 91 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,187 Fuck. [SIGHS] 92 00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:52,024 You just said that. I fucked up. 93 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,026 I'm sorry. That's not gonna happen again. 94 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,235 Why don't you just call me Kevin? 95 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,279 Okay, in your life, have you ever heard 96 00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:00,699 an action star leading man ever called "Kevin"? 97 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,244 - I mean, Kevin James in Mall Cop. - No, no. 98 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,371 Kevin is the name of a punk bitch. 99 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:09,374 Ethan Hunt. That is an action star name. 100 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:13,045 Tom Cruise... who's my alumni... for nine years of his life, 101 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,464 he only responded to "Ethan Hunt." 102 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,090 Whether he was on camera 103 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,884 - or off camera, whether he was... - Wow. 104 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,745 ... in the shower or on the toilet, whether he was fucking 105 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:25,432 - or not fucking. - All right, okay. I fuck... I understand, Coach Ron. 106 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,476 Do you? Do you really? 107 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,186 I hope so. 108 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,314 For your sake, 'cause your life depends on it. 109 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,982 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 110 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,151 Okay, next lesson. 111 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,779 Every leading man needs to know how to run 112 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,822 into a burning building and save a stranger. 113 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,032 Mm. 114 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,205 Wow. 115 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,124 - Holy shit, how'd you do that? - And the stranger 116 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:55,128 that we are going to save today is our own Action Star dummy 117 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,005 Lil Kevin. 118 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,925 That supposed to be me? 119 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,927 I don't see the resemblance. 120 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,303 - Are you fucking kidding... - No, w... 121 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,973 We... we've had this dummy for years, buddy. 122 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,641 DUMMY: Oh, hell no! 123 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,142 Bitch, that's my line. 124 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,811 I've said that line in, like, 12 movies. 125 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,855 Agent Hart, are you a narcissist? 126 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,482 - No. - Do you think the whole world is all about you? 127 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:16,692 - That's not, I'm not... - No, no. 128 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,027 You look at you and then you look at him. 129 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,195 - That's why I... - Look at you and look at him. 130 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,155 Do you see any resemblance? 131 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,157 Kinda sorta, man. 132 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,034 O... okay. All right, okay. 133 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,661 Maybe I'm crazy. 134 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,663 DUMMY: Help! Help me! 135 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,082 Oh, hell no! Help! 136 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,042 Help me! Oh, hell no! 137 00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,962 Now, safety during stunts is of the utmost importance. 138 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:40,424 Yeah, but I mean, that's why you got stuntmen, right? 139 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,050 Watch it. 140 00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,719 No, for the other guys. Not for me. 141 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,888 The... the lightweights. I don't... 142 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,473 Okay. Your jacket is flame-retardant, 143 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,934 which means that if you catch on fire, 144 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,228 don't panic, I will come in and put you out. 145 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:56,231 Okay. Y... you're gonna... 146 00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,192 Ok... I feel, I feel good, I feel good about that. 147 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,819 When you're ready, I want you to storm the house, 148 00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:03,405 find the victim and bring him to safety. 149 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,282 [GROWLING] 150 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,950 What is that? 151 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,285 [GROWLING] 152 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,368 What are you doing? I... I don't... 153 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,411 - I don't... - [BARKING] 154 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,456 Psyching myself up. 155 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,291 [BARKING] 156 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,168 [GROWLING] 157 00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:17,794 [HOWLING] 158 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,464 It's hot. 159 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,257 Hot. 160 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,259 [BARKING] 161 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,345 [COUGHING] 162 00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,517 [HACKING] 163 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,855 It's fucking hot! Where the fuck are you at? 164 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:41,276 Oh, God. Oh, fuck, I can't see shit. 165 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,694 Lil Kev? 166 00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,238 Excuse me? 167 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,366 - Are you Ron Wilcox? - Well, hello. 168 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,201 - How are you? - Jordan King. 169 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,203 - We've been waiting for you. - [CHUCKLES] 170 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,621 - DUMMY: Help! Help me! - I got you, buddy. 171 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,456 - I got you, Little Kev! - Oh, hell no! 172 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,875 I'm about to save your little beautiful black ass. 173 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,837 - [COUGHING] - Help! Help me! 174 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,338 Oh, hell no! 175 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,257 - KEVIN: What the fuck? - Help! Help me! 176 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,301 - Who's this? What the... ? - Oh, hell no! 177 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,929 - Oh! [SCREAMS] - Help! Help me! 178 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,055 [SCREAMS] 179 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,723 - Oh, hell no! - It's fucking hot! 180 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,767 - Help! Help me! - Get your ass up. 181 00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,853 Yeah, um, I'm just so nervous. 182 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,689 [CHUCKLES] I've never been in an action movie before. 183 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,232 I just want bring my A game here. 184 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,109 - Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - 90% is mental, okay? 185 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,569 - It's hot! It's hot! - You are gonna be fantastic. 186 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:26,822 - Coach Ron! [SCREAMING] - I just know it. 187 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,657 Oh, shit, is he okay? 188 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:32,536 Oh, Christ, you leave this guy alone for five seconds. Geez. 189 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,454 KEVIN: Put me out! Put me out, put me out, put me out! 190 00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:39,625 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -